Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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