I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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