just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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