Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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