I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
