what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
