Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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