Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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