I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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