I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
