evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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