Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
