During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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