I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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