literally had 100 drinks last night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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