I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
