my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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