I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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