I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
