He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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