i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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