The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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