There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have already put on my inside pants.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
