My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
