you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
