You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
