the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
