Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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