why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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