the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
