you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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