Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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