I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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