He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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