I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
