i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
