I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
