I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
God I need to hump something, right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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