i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
