you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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