Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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