i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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