I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
