She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
