Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
