wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
