yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
