Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
