I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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