if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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