Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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