I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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