Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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