ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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