omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
