so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
