The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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